


Despicable

by Shoshiserif00



Category: BnHA, My Hero Academia
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Anxiety, Blood and Injury, Bullying, Childhood Trauma, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Explicit Language, Gen, Insanity, M/M, Mental Instability, Murder, OC villain - Freeform, Panic Attacks, Psychological Trauma, Villain Character Death, Villain Deku, Villain Midoriya Izuku, Violence, character fall, split personality
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-12
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:06:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 11,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22676068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shoshiserif00/pseuds/Shoshiserif00
Summary: Deku had always wanted to be a hero, and rejoiced when he was accepted into U.A., and even given a quirk by his all-time hero, All Might... But how does an aspiring hero keep his dreams, when he does the one thing Heroes are not supposed to do:Kill.
Comments: 26
Kudos: 144





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I literally wrote this because I couldn't find a fic I wanted. So, enjoy this angst!

He watched the flames as they licked closer, eating the ground and singeing the frayed strings of his uniform. They didn’t see it coming—weren’t prepared. Bakugou screamed in his rage as he attacked the villains converging around them, working to dwindle their numbers.

Izuku couldn’t hear him. The ringing in his ears a violent reminder of the blow he took… How long had he blacked out? He didn’t see too much of a difference, besides the growing fire and several more marks from explosive blasts.

His eyes followed Bakugou as he seemed to leap in slow-motion towards a villain with hair of wire. His grenade-like bracers were cracked and very nearly falling off, while the spikes of his costume’s headband were broken and melted… He remembered now: He jumped in front of the blast directed at Bakugou, not thinking of how little fire tolerance he has. That’s why he’s on the ground, vaguely aware of the stench of burned flesh and the tang of blood in his mouth. Is that why his vision is red?

Bakugou sets off a blast directly in the face of the wire-haired villain, knocking her back several dozen feet and rendering her seemingly unconscious. He whips around and runs for Izuku, his mouth moving to say “Deku,” the nickname he gave his childhood friend. Deku shifts his eyes to look at his friend, finding it hard to make out his face as his vision blurs. Bakugou yells something at him--reaching a hand out for his face with a look of concern and burning rage. Deku manages to make out the fear present in the embers of Bakugou’s eyes. 

He thinks he tries to say something, but he can’t feel his tongue. Bakugou cringes as Deku is suddenly wracked with violent coughing, spitting blood on the broken pavement and the black of Bakugou’s clothes. The shaking seemed to have opened his ears from whatever was blocking them--the sounds from around him slowly becoming clear. A siren sounds from somewhere, calling any Hero to the scene. The vicious crackling of fire and bang of explosions are the most prominent sound. The streets are like a flood of flames, making the pavement dangerous to touch and the sky dark with smoke. The shouts of fighting are heard not too far away, a conflict ongoing. 

Bakugou yells in his face, startling Deku into focusing on him. He can hear his friend’s words now. “Say something, you useless pest! If you went and made yourself deaf because of something so stupid as saving me then I swear I’ll kill you for it!! Deku!” He nods very slightly, giving the angry boy a sign that he can understand him now. The movement hurt more than he thought it would as the pain rears up worse than before. 

His right arm is shattered, due to his recent use of One for All; his legs feel as though they were burned, the flesh hot and angry--but cold all at once. His head hurts the worst: he can feel the blood dripping from what must be a vicious wound on the side of his head, which could be why his vision is swimming and his hearing was gone. He feels what must be the aftermath of the blast scattered across his face… burn scars. He really did take that blast hard… 

“Are you an idiot!?” Bakugou’s words don’t match the look on his face. “We need to get out of here! You’re not gonna die if I move you, will you?” As he goes to pick up Deku, another blast goes off, a ball of fire launched at them by the enemy. Bakugou yells in rage, whipping around and launching an explosion at the fireball to dissipate it before it gets to them. 

It’s getting hard to breathe. A pain in his side makes him think he might have also broken a rib or two. He can’t move… His body won’t listen to him. Everything seems so slow, yet so quick. Deku blinks, and finds himself in Bakugou’s arms as he runs. “Wake up, dammit!” Bakugou huffs, apparently trying not to jostle Deku too much as to not hurt him further. “Where the fuck is everyone!? Deku don’t you dare close your eyes!” He hadn’t noticed his vision had gone, but he opened his eyes again as requested. “.. m’kay…” He manages to wheeze. Bakugou looks at him, “Don’t ever try to protect me again! You were almost killed, dumbass!” He stumbles in his haste, righting himself just before falling. Deku whimpers as the movement jostles his injuries, his burned legs bumping together and his head knocking into Bakugou’s shoulder. 

A menacing giggle echoes behind them, seemingly slicing through the flames they dodge.   
“Poor, poor children… If you would have just stayed out of the way, I would have spared at least one of you~” The villain known as ‘Exploit’ leaps after them, manipulating the air around her to fly. 

“Dammit!!” Bakugou curses, turning his head to look at the woman soaring after them and quickly catching up. Deku watches as he whips around, mouthing what might have been an apology as he drops Deku’s legs to aim a violent explosion behind him. The blast rushes toward Exploit, but splits around her before it can do any harm. The blast meets back up behind the woman and the full force of it explodes without stopping her. 

“I said keep your eyes OPEN!!” Bakugou screams at Deku. He must have blacked out when Bakugou had to momentarily let him go to fight back Exploit. He lays with his head propped up slightly on some debris. Bakugou crouches with him behind an overturned truck, using it as a shield while retaliating over the bed of the truck. 

“K...Kacch...n..” He tries. 

“Don’t talk, you idiot! You’re just gonna hurt yourself mo-” A violent whirlwind whips around them, causing the truck to shift, and start to lift off the ground… Bakugou lets out a stream of curses as he leaps forward, setting off two explosions in quick succession to blast the vehicle away from them. 

“You can’t hide from me~” Exploit appears above them. Her arms raised, and a crazed look on her face as she thrusts her arms in a downward motion: a tornado of air smashes the ground and launches the two boys into the air. Bakugou shrieks something, most likely a name. Deku, thrown to the side, watches with wide eyes as the ground speeds past and grows further from him… and then closer. He lands with a sickening crack, skidding on his shattered arm across the pavement. He thinks he might have screamed, but can’t tell with the silence surrounding him. It’s hard to think. The heat from the blast exacerbates every injury he has. His head smashed against the pavement, legs scraped bloody and arm mangled underneath him as he skids to a stop on his front. 

“DEKU!!” Bakugou shrieks, using controlled explosions to launch himself to the green haired boy lying lifeless on the pavement a 100 yards from where they were.   
“Aww poor kitty worried about his fwiend…~” Exploit appears behind him, controlling the flame from his explosions and turning them on him, knocking him out of the air and smashing him down into the pavement. The searing heat doesn’t affect him much, but still hurts as it burns almost through his fire-proof hero suit. She drops out of the air and lands on Bakugou’s chest, crushing him into the ground. Bakugou chokes as the impact makes it hard to breathe. He forces himself to focus, grabbing on to the woman’s leg, “Get off, hag!” He yells as he sets off an explosion on skin contact. 

Exploit screams, not having enough time to react and divert the blast, she jumps backwards, stumbling on her broken and burned leg. “You little shit!” Holding out her arms, the flames from the destruction around them begin to dance and flow towards her at an alarming speed. She throws up her hands, the fire gathering into a dangerous ball of molten, angry red. “DIE!!”

Just before the villain can hurl the ball of fire at him, Bakugou sees something green flash into his vision… Deku appears next to the woman, left arm pulled back for a punch, and a strange look in his eyes. Bakugou stares, as his fist glides forward; Exploit turning her head to face the glowing veins of Deku’s arm. They connect as blood drips from Deku’s limbs like molasses, half his face covered in his own blood as well… the force of the attack knocks the fireball into the sky, and Katsuki Bakugou is thrown backwards along with the shockwave. The wind sends the nearby fires raging and rising higher, angered. 

Silence. As if the world was put on mute. Deku looks up, standing on barely-working legs. His arms hang at his sides, stained red--while blood drips from his temple. He blinks several times before his vision clears enough for him to make out the mangled form of Exploit, burning and broken. Her face is destroyed beyond recognition as she drapes like a ragdoll backward over a broken building wall that had been destroyed earlier. She’s dead. He killed her. 

Bakugou stares, the fires slowly inching towards them both. Blood splatters the pavement in the direction of the body.   
He watches as the smoke dissipates, and the fires slowly close in. Deku stands where Exploit had been, doubled over. His green eyes are wide as he stares at Exploit. 

“Deku you idiot!!” He hears vaguely as his legs begin to give out. “What have you done?!” He looks at Bakugou, the fires seeming to freeze as he falls--pavement inching closer.   
“You killed her!!” the blond boy screams as he gets up, limping towards Deku quickly. “What kind-” Deku falls to his knees, “-of hero-” leaning forward.. “-kills someone!?” His head crashes to the pavement, looking at Bakugou as his vision fades out. He sees nothing but red eyes and angry teeth when they close. 

“You fucking VILLAIN!” 

~~~


	2. How Wonderful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three years is a long time for change to happen. What has he become? What does he want?  
> Why does he do this...?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I should explain that this fic is a bit of a deviant. These are my own HC's about how One For All works, and also I have not completed the current episodes so I'm still a bit behind. this is for fun, not really anything else. The story will end up jumping back and forth between the situations that broke our beloved Deku, and the current Izuku. He will be referred to as Deku in the past, but Izuku in current because he no longer is able to consider himself the hero 'Deku'. However... 'Deku' is still in there... isn't he..?

There is little Izuku remembers from three years ago. Yet,  _ that  _ moment replays in his mind on most days when the sun is gone. He wonders… Does anyone miss him?

No… no one would miss a villain.

Izuku is pulled out of his memories by the sound of crying in front of him. Oh yeah… That’s what he was doing. 

**SCARED SCARED FEAR BLOOD KILL THEM.**

“I apologize for making you wait… Sometimes, one needs to think.” The victim sobs, tied to a pillar: their hands above their head, a gag in their mouth and cuffs on their legs. He doesn’t remember why they’re here, not entirely… He just felt like getting rid of something. 

“Sorry, is it uncomfortable? It won’t last much longer, I promise.” He examines a knife he finds held in his hand. The blade is a beautiful black with uneven silver stripes… accented by the crimson dripping off the end. He kneels down to them, looking at their crying eyes and the blood on their cheeks from the gash he inflicted. They look up at him, whimpering and shaking. “Are you cold? I can fix that if you’d like. I mean, you probably won’t like it… it’ll hurt.” The person shakes their head, terrified. “Oh well, I suppose I’m done now. Would you like me to stop? Do you want this to be over?” They nod their head, seeming to sob tears of joy that this might actually end. The corner of his mouth twitched upward, shifting the marks on his face.

“Oh, you didn’t think I was letting you go, did you?” Lifting his hand, gently placing it on their left cheek. “Goodnight, darling…” He shifts his hand to the front of their face, their eyes widening in fear. His lips split in a violent grin as his arm begins to glow, veins of red appearing as power builds, a ringing in the air becoming deafening… And then: Bang. A concentrated force obliterates the body, leaving nothing but singed ropes and a partially melted pole where the victim was tied. 

**WHY WHY WHY WHY?**

_ Such a satisfying end.  _

He stands slowly, stretching. The room around him is dotted with very little: a table holding several different knives; a small torch, pliers, and a trashcan half filled with bloody rags and… other bloody, fleshy things. Another small table holds a pair of leather gloves and a black vest, both of which are neatly laid out and folded properly. Cleanly. 

He walks over to the table with his vest, wiping off the blood on his hands and shaking off the steam rising from the arm he had used; his unbroken arm. Never had he imagined that the blessed power of One for All might be used in such a way. Granted, he used to believe he could be the best hero… but his mind rarely thinks of such things anymore. He rarely feels anything, either. 

It has been three years since he was last injured using his quirk, handed to him by the #1 hero: All Might. A man of impossible strength, good will, and a fearless smile in the face of horrific villains. A fabled lie he once believed in. 

He clicks his teeth as he pushes away the negative thoughts creeping in on him; putting on his vest and gloves. He looks around at the room, making sure everything is in order for when he eventually comes back, and opens the door of the building. It’s a nice looking house: two stories, colored a slightly worn blue with a gray roof. It’s old, but it works as a hiding place. 

Walking down the street, he is pleasantly surprised to find not a single soul around.. It is the lower-class end of the city, so it makes sense. A place where no one is noticed. He hadn’t used to live here; it was some place he moved to after everything that happened three years ago. And no, it wasn’t just the accidental murder of the villain Exploit that lead him here… Or, the first of the harshest spoken words his childhood friend said to him. 

The abuse had only gotten worse after that incident.  _ ‘Villain _ ’... a name Bakugou would whisper and hiss and bark at him whenever he got the chance. 

**IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE FIND HIM KILL HIM HE DOESNT MATTER.**

Izuku shakes his head violently to knock away the thoughts. That wasn’t all that happened. But he doesn’t care anymore. He is a villain now, and that’s all that matters. A psychotic smile graced his lips as he thinks of all he will do today. He lets out a low giggle,  _ ‘Maybe I should go visit my old town… Make an appearance…’ _

**BAD BAD BAD STOP NONONO.**

Growling at the ringing in his ears, he lifts his metallic cage-like mask over his mouth, adjusts his tie, and walks into the shadows of a nearby ally. Sneaking around was something he had to get used to. He didn't currently feel like confronting people who might be looking for him. Why bother?

**HELP ME HELP ME!**

_ Shut up, ‘Deku’, _ He hisses. The child continues to shriek in his mind. Paying no attention to him anymore, he walks leisurely through the streets into the busier part of the city where most people spend their time heading to-and-from work or other lively activities. Aware of the time of day, he must be careful not to run into any home-bound U.A. students… or Heroes on lookout for trouble. 

**FIND HELP FIND HELP FIND HELP FIND HELP PLEASE PLEASE HELP!**

Beautifully quick; he makes his way through the busy streets--standing against a building as he now looks across the roads of people. All of which are marked by quirks, with a few souls that look ‘normal’. A usual sight. It is the end of work and school hours, of course. But--the busier the better. Little is noticed in a sea of people. Casual hiding! He makes his way slowly through the crowd, deciding he likes the idea of food as well, heading toward a small cafe… 

**HELP**

Speak of the devil. A very recognizable head of hair comes into view ahead of him. Red and white, perfectly symmetrical. Along with a head of bright red, one of purple, and a messy head of blonde. 

_ Disgusting-- _

**FRIENDS HELP HELP SAVE ME!**

_ Shut up. _

He swiftly adjusts his course to head toward the street beside the shop: He does not need to be confronted. Though, the prospect of their blood on his hands is extremely enticing: he is not in the mood for  _ their _ death… not as of this moment, at least. He leans against the building, form obscured by the dark shadow cast by the structure. In his already dark clothing, he is damn-near impossible to see. A few seconds later, the group comes into view.

Passing by the alley opening is Todoroki Shotou; Kirishima Eijirou, Shinsou Hitoshi, and of course: Bakugou Katsuki. 

Kirishima seems to be enthusiastically ranting about a recent game that was released, Shinsou quietly engaging in the conversation. Yet, Todoroki seems to have his attention only on Bakugou, who looks straight ahead with a scowl. 

“They found another body again, didn’t they?” The cold boy states more than asks, 

“Yeah. Another one… Just like the last.” Bakugou growls, his hands digging deeper into his pockets and his teeth grinding hard enough you could almost hear it. 

_ Hm… interesting topic of conversation… what body? _ Izuku subtly looks at them, listening to what the problem happened to be.

**PLEASE HELP PLEASE HELP!**

“From the same guy, I’m betting. You wouldn’t be this irritated about  _ one _ body if it was otherwise.” Todoroki hums, tilting his head.

“No shit, dumbass! … Yeah, same guy…” 

“Wish they would catch him already. That’s the fourth this week…” Todoroki sighs, looking down at the ground with a near-scowl. “You still think it’s  _ him _ , don’t you?”

Bakugou snarls, sparks coming from his hands in his pockets, “Lay off it, will ya?! I’m not in the mood for this bullshit!” He storms down the sidewalk: people moving out of his way casually to let him pass. 

_ Who could be making such a ruckus that these heathens spend casual conversation discussing it…?  _ His eyes light up with a thought,  _ Could it be me?? _

**HELP ME HELP ME GO TO THEM HELP ME HELP--**

He growls at the feeling of hope inside him: a fleeting thing.  _ Oh, definitely not… _ Moving abruptly, he accidentally knocks over a nearby trash-can lid--causing quite a racket. The group of boys whip their gazes toward the cause of the sound, only to be met with an empty ally. The confusion is a blessed image on their faces; Izuku watching from the roof above, concealed by a cloaking device he wears on his scarred wrist. 

_ Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful!! Oh, I cannot wait to surprise them!! _ He is giddy with excitement, the prospect of causing a scene energizing his limbs. He stares at the group of his old friends, relishing their dark looks of concern. This is going to be good… 

**NONONONONONONO PLEASE!!!**

_ You won’t stop me, coward… _

He runs to the other side of the building and jumps off into the crowd, rushing to the other street.  _ Oh yes, oh yes oh yes!! _ With a near-psychotic giggle, he dashes toward the side of what might be a shop, leaping into the air with a powerful jump, pulling his arm back: his limb glows and his veins pop and spark red. “Let’s have a little fun, shall we!?” In a flash, the building explodes. Debris scattering the pavement as startled screams erupt from the street.

No one knows what happened. Suddenly: there was fire where the little plant shop had been, and chunks of the building lay scattered. Civilians ran in all directions away from the attack, screaming for a hero to show up and find out what happened… 

The UA Seniors are dragged out of their stroll by the sound of an explosion and violent screaming. They whip around and rush between the buildings to get to the other street where the sound comes from. They are met with a blazing fire across from them, a building destroyed. Some civilians who were hit by the debris hold their injuries and rush away. 

Startled at the sudden destruction, the boys look around for what might have been the cause. A villain? A building accident? Kirishima looks at someone running near them and asks, “What happened?”

“Someone rushed toward the shop and hit it…! Then it just--exploded!” They pant as they rush past. Kirishima looks at his friends, worry taking over as the dominant emotion on his face. Bakugou scans the area, expressing a permanent scowl. 

“Who the fuck did this…” 

“Obviously a villain,” Kirishima huffs. 

“No shit! I want to know  _ who _ , you idiot!” Bakugou barks, staring at the fire in hopes of spotting the culprit. He watches the flames dance and rage, alive and powerful… And within the flames, he sees a figure. A head of thick hair, a silver mask, a red tie… He runs toward the flames, raising his hands for attack and needing to know who it is. Something’s wrong…

“Bakugou, don’t go TOWARD it. You’re not fireproof!” Todoroki shouts, reaching for his arm, but is not quite fast enough. Bakugou continues across the street which is nearly empty of people - he stares into the flame as the figure stares back… bright emerald eyes alight.  _ No… _

**_DON’T LOOK DON’T LOOK DON’T LOOK!!_ **

Izuku watches his old friend stare at him. The look on his face is  _ delicious _ … He’s scared! He’s worried! Oh, he’s horrified!!  _ Wonderful!! _ He lifts a hand to his face: lips splitting into a terrifying grin as his throat lets out a psychotic laugh. 

“Yes… Yes!!! Oh, how beautiful! We can have some fun now~!” He howls in laughter as he backs into the fire, out of sight of Bakugou.  _ “This is going to be wonderful!! _ ” His voice echoes as he disappears, complemented by the crackling, roaring flames of the building ablaze. 

It  _ is  _ true. 

**_“MIDORIYA!!”_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh I love chaos. This poor boy is struggling with himself pretty hard.
> 
> Also, damn I love angst. Hehe...


	3. Disgusting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Days after the vicious fight with Exploit, Deku is healing... But someone comes along to remind him of his problems. Bakugou might have just started something terrible for our young, sweet Izuku Midoriya...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANGST

After the battle with Exploit, Deku was bed-ridden for a week. His ability to heal is usually impeccable, but something seemed to be blocking his quick-healing capabilities. 

As of now, he sits with his back against the wall in the infirmary. His arms are in casts--a common occurrence. His face is patched up and his head is wrapped, the nasty injury he received from Exploit’s attacks still slowly bleeding. Deku stares in front of him: his mind both numb and a dumpster fire of thoughts, angers, worries, screams… His eyes like pools of black emerald, their shine lost. 

_ I killed them… I killed them… _

Repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat. Chanted like a mantra--horrified. How could he ever be a hero now? Killing isn’t a hero thing to do… He stands for justice and peace, not blood and death! 

He clenches his hands until his muscles shriek, his bones grinding against each other telling him he’s still here--still present. His teeth grind, giving him a headache; he can feel the blood from his head start soaking the wrappings again, aggravating his pain even more.

_ What have I done? _

He hears a shout from outside the medical ward door… the sound much like someone with explosive rage.  _ Of course _ . A second later, Bakugou kicks the door open with All Might trailing behind him: looking like he was trying to stop him. 

“I heard your ass was finally awake! Now you’ve got some EXPLAINING to do!!”

“Young Bakugou, there is no reason for such-”

“Shut the fuck up, Shit Might! This dumbass needs to realize how much he fucked up and tell me what the hell happened!” He whips on Deku, rushing up to him and grabbing his collar--lifting him up off the bed by his shirt. “Talk, you fucking coward!!” 

Deku stares at him, unsure what to feel. He deserves this treatment. Bakugou was  _ right there _ when he killed Exploit… “ _ I ju-just… _ ” 

“You just WHAT!?” Bakugou shakes him violently in his anger. Steam rising from his fists from the explosions he must be restraining. 

“ _ I… I was… trying to protect you…”  _ He wheezes: having trouble breathing while his ribs throb. The heart monitor beeps frantically, as if it too is terrified. 

“‘Protect me!? By KILLING someone!?” Deku flinches as if a hot iron touched his face. His words burn like an angry fire. 

“Young Bakugou…” All Might gingerly walks over and places a hand on Bakugou’s shoulder, attempting to take the attention off of Deku, “This is not the way to ask your friend something important… Why don’t we step out and cool off a little, eh?”

Bakugou turns a look alight with ferocity on the mighty hero. He practically snarls at him, “You back away before I knock your ass out the window! This is between this IDIOT and ME! YOU WEREN’T THERE!” He turns around and glares at Deku who trembles uncontrollably, blood staining the wrappings on his head and arms. Quiet whimpers escape his lips. 

“ _ K-kacchan I di-didn’t mean t-to kill the-em…! P-please let m-me go… You’re… hurt… hurting me… _ ” Deku sobs. The anger of his friend is more painful than the grinding of his bones and the pounding of his head. 

_ “P-please Kacchan…”  _

**_“You disgust me!”_ **


	4. Fury

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something has ticked off Izuku.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Struggles to write* Uhhhhhh enjoy?????

Izuku roars as his fist collides with the wooden wall of the bar where the so-called “League of Villains” resides. The Black Fog villain Kurogiri keeps his head low as he cleans a glass behind the counter. Tomura Shigaraki flinches at the rage, sitting on the chair furthest from the angry ex-hero--hugging his legs in possible fear. No one ticks off this hero… He is the most powerful in the room, after all. 

Several small-name villains cower in their booths, keeping their heads held down as to not catch the eye of this…  _ monster _ who could topple the building in an instant if he so chose. The fury radiating off of this green-haired beast is suffocating. He pounds his fists against the wall: the building support beams creaking and seeming to struggle against the force of Izuku’s blows. 

**_STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!_ **

_ I hate the sound of you! _

Izuku snarls, busting a hole in the wall and causing a vicious crack to split up from the floor to the ceiling… the whole room sits in apprehension for the fall of the building, listening to the feral panting of Izuku. Luckily for them all, nothing else makes a sound, and the building’s integrity seems to hold. 

Kurogiri sighs, lifting his gaze slowly“Master Izuku… Please do not take your anger out on the bar, I just fixed it up…” he tentatively requests. With terrifying fluidity and delay, Izuku turns his gaze on the figure of black smoke; a subtle grin on his face. 

“Oh, don’t worry, Kurogiri… I’m sure you would rather the wall, than your beautifully vulnerable caged neck! I will fix it, as my apology. It will not come down on anyone. If I wanted to destroy it, I would have: you know this.” He grins, blood dripping down his fists from the wood splintering. 

The shadow-kin villain drops his head again, not tempting fate any more than he already had. 

**_I’M SORRY…_ **

_ Coward _ .

Izuku turns towards the rest of their villain patrons, and gestures for them to return to their activities. In sync, they all begin their quiet conversations, sipping on drinks of various colors. 

Only when he is truly satisfied with the returned busy hum, does he step away from the wall and place himself delicately on a stool in front of Kurogiri who silently prepares him a glass of green-apple punch with some sort of protein powder colored blue. 

Izuku hums as he picks up the elegant glass and sips on the beverage, eyeing the bar with narrowed eyes. 

“May I inquire as to what provoked your reaction just now…?” Kurogiri carefully asks. Izuku spares him a sideways glance, a dark--psychotic--emerald that holds you down like chains and burns you like a vengeful fire. 

“My plans have been changed.. I had hoped to hold off causing a scene and having my name out in the media for another couple years. However, my brash actions this morning took away that plan. It is my fault, I will admit… But-!” He raises a bloodied finger, “This gives us all the opportunity to have some fun sooner than expected!” His grin is bloodthirsty--and he knows it. 

**_PLEASE SPARE THEM!!_ **

_ Never. _

He shakes his head to dismiss the chaos in his mind, looking instead at the man with a hand covering his face who stares at him from the corner of the counter. His light blue hair wild and unkempt, and scratched scars littering his neck on both sides. A mental child.

“Oh, come now  _ Shimura _ … You’re always raving about making an impression and having some fun, and here I am telling you that we’re going to have just that! Is there something you would like to say to me? Hm?” Izuku rocks side-to-side in his seat - waving his radioactive-green colored drink that’s halfway gone. He doesn’t seem to actually care about this man-child’s opinion…

Tomura Shigaraki used to be a menace to society, and still is. However, he now only follows Izuku’s orders. No one disobeys Izuku.

“So, are you excited or not? I want your honest opinion, Shigaraki,” No longer using his other name. Shigaraki stares at him through the covering of the hand-like mask on his face. His eyes, much like blood, narrowed and void.

“I asked you a question, Shigaraki. Are you ignoring me?” He leans toward the timid villain--a grin showing possible violent intentions. Shigaraki will have to be careful in addressing him today, he is not happy. This could be bad.

“It will be fun… I suppose…” 

His grin splits wider. 

“You suppose?” He purrs, moving fluidly as he places his drink glass on the counter and hops off of the barstool, standing with his hands behind his back. “Shall we go outside? I think we should blow off some steam.” He smirks wide and turns around, walking slowly to the front door. 

**_PLEASE!! HELP!_ **

_ It’s too late for us. _

**_What happened to me?_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok I actually like the idea of Izuku getting angry, but somehow avoiding hurting the people who now follow him. Yes, this takes places with Shigaraki and Kurogiri and the 'League of Villains', as I am only nearly finishing season 2 of the anime. Plus, I like the idea of Izuku being the new 'big bad boss' of the little ragtag group of villains... altered universe, I guess?


	5. Breathing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's awful to suffer worries created by your own mind... and in turn, struggling to exist in the moment. Panic can stop a heart. Panic stops your breathing. Panic makes you fall.

~~~

Deku didn’t think he’d ever feel as uncomfortable stepping into class as he did on his first day of U.A... But here he was, standing in the doorway of Hero Course 1A, with every pair of eyes locked on him. His right arm is locked in a solid black cast, held in a blue sling around his neck. A strong wrap circles his head, his hair long past unkempt… He’s a mess--and everyone knows why. 

Deku quickly drops his gaze to the floor and mutters a quiet ‘good morning’, limping quickly to his desk.

_ Why is everyone staring at me…? What did I do..? _

**_Murderer._ **

As he slowly lowers himself into his seat, he hears the whispers start. 

_ “Was it really him…?” “Three days…” “They said she was mangled beyond healing…”  _

_ “What a ‘hero’...” “will he get in trouble for it..?” _

“Everyone get in your seat and stop talking!” Aizawa sensei seemed to appear out of nowhere, cocooned in his yellow sleeping bag. His tired eyes scan the students--who immediately sit at their respective desks in silence--and momentarily, his gaze rests on Bakugou, then Deku. 

“We are all aware of the villain situation from several weeks ago, however that does not mean you are allowed to gossip about it. So shut your mouths… Our lesson today is on hero work safety…” 

As Aizawa spoke, his words seemed to fade to silence: Deku could only focus on the burning stares on his back. As if he was some sort of animal gone rabid.

The worst of those stares, however… was Bakugou. He hadn’t said a word to him since the hospital room. But that doesn’t negate the rage-filled glare he directs at Deku. The disappointment. The disgust.

_ Why are they staring?!? _

**_They hate you. You’re not one of them anymore, are you?_ **

For a moment, Deku looks around the room, and momentarily locks eyes with each of his classmates, who quickly avert their gazes in possible shame… or fear. Even Iida looks away when he sees him. The expression on his face kin to guilt. And for a moment, Deku feels lost. 

He drags his eyes to the most prominent stare, one of fire red and pure rage. 

**_You disgust him._ **

He locks eyes with Bakugou. In that stare, he feels trapped. Cornered. Burned. Scrutinized. 

He quickly averts his gaze, staring now at his desk top at the paper of his notebook. He tries, but cannot seem to keep himself from crying. The tears slowly dripping off his cheeks onto the paper, smudging the ink of notes he made on heroes months ago. 

_ I don't understand…? Why is he so angry at me..?  _

**_They hate you. Failure._ **

_ Stop it..!  _

He shakes his head almost violently to dislodge these negative thoughts. Bad idea, as it makes him extremely light headed. He puts a hand on his face and tries to control his breathing. 

_ Don't panic it'll be okay.  _

**_No._ **

He groans quietly as his head begins to pound. His fist clenched and his chest tight, it's hard to breathe. 

_ What's wrong with me??  _

**_You're afraid._ **

He takes a deep, shaky breath in hopes of settling his nerves.. It doesn't do much as he hears himself wheeze with the effort. Moving his hand from his face he finds his vision blurry. He's panicking. 

Jerking his gaze to the clock on the wall, he finds time passing quickly. Half an hour has gone by. He blinks, and another five minutes passes. That's too fast. What's going on?!? 

Deku shifts his gaze to his teacher, Aizawa Sensei, and jumps as he finds the man moving as if in slo-mo, yet the clock ticks to the stuttering of his heartbeat. 

_ I can't breathe!  _

**_It's better that way._ **

_ Someone help!  _

Only when his vision starts fading does he realize he’s stopped breathing. He throws his head up and gasps, hurting his throat and sending his heart rate bouncing dangerously. Blind to the startled looks and worry on his classmates faces, he pushes himself away from his desk--reaching for his neck with his cast-wrapped hands. He gasps, choking on lack of air, and stumbles away from his desk. 

He doesn’t hear Iida; or maybe Uraraka, or maybe Kirishima or Todoroki call his name and stand to help his struggle. He leaps away from his seat and stumbles backwards, struggling to breathe as his vision continues to fade. In his haste and fear to get away, he trips over his own feet. In that second, he sees clearly the slowly ticking clock, the desk corner getting closer, the floor reaching for him… 

He feels the tear of the skin across the bridge of his nose; the ship of the bone in his face, the blood splattering the floor and his face as he crashes to the ground… And he feels the crack of his head against the hard floor. In that moment--he sees nobody move, hears nothing, but can see the fiery wide-eyed look of his friend. And in that look, he still sees rage. 

Deku blacks out, and for several seconds: no one breathes, either. 

**_No one cares, do they?_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen, I love this boy, but also.... I'm going to break him.


	6. Decay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone gets hurt.

Two hours. For two hours, Izuku and Shigaraki have been sitting on the edge of a tall building, staring out at the dark landscape alight with street lights and building signs. The sounds of cars rumble through the noise of busy people; the citizens of a world protected by Heroes. 

“What do you see?” Izuku hums after several more minutes of silence. 

“A lie,” Shigaraki replies after some hesitation. “I see naive people living a blissful lie.” He hums as he looks at Shigaraki out of the corner of his vision. The dangerous man has been very quietly hiding his nervousness this whole time. It’s nearly irritating to know he’s hiding something. 

“You have something to say... I suggest you say it. I want to know!” He chuckles lightly, but threateningly. Sitting with his legs pulled up to his chest, Izuku looks less than dangerous: arms wrapped around his legs and the subtle breeze from the height playing with his hair. He stares at the lights between the streets, his eyes burning bright emerald. Shimura blinks, and finds those green eyes staring at him expectantly. 

He lives for the look of fear in the eyes of those he sees. Izuku stares with sharp eyes and a blank face. Shigaraki feels like he might be in danger… 

“I don’t know what response you are looking for… there is nothing I am hiding-” In less than a blink of an eye, his gloved hand is wrapped around Shigaraki’s neck. 

“DON’T LIE TO ME!!” He shrieks. Shigaraki throws his hands to his arm and grips his wrist tightly with both hands: without thinking. In a moment, the sleeve of his shirt begins to decay, and as Shigaraki’s fingers press onto his skin--the flesh begins to burn and peel away. 

Red eyes wide, Shigaraki pulls his hands away from him, imitating surrender as he struggles to breathe. Staring down at him, pinned to the roof, Izuku knows how easy it would be to kill him. 

**DON’T DO IT!**

_ Shut up! _

He growls, his fist gripping Shigaraki’s throat tighter as his skin peels and flakes in decay. When his eyes start to roll back, he is interrupted--

**_STOP IT!!!_ **

The loud voice in his head shakes him out of his angry stupor; he pulls his hand off of Shigaraki’s throat, looking at the decaying of his arm with wide eyes and a sick grin showing his teeth. He pants with the feeling of his skin stripping and falling apart while burning like hellfire. He feels awake. 

Shigaraki sits up with a hand to his own neck, coughing and gasping as he catches his breath. Staring at Izuku, watching the blood pool from his arm as the decay slows… 

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean-” Shigaraki freezes. And Izuku knows why. Kneeling as he loses the feeling in his arm; he grins wide as tears drip from his eyes. Slowly, he starts laughing… a quiet huff at first, rising to a psychotic chuckle as he holds his hands up and grips his hair--blood dripping down his face from his soaked-red arm. 

**Why?? Why?!**

_ I SAID SHUT UP!! _

He snarls, ripping his hands from his hair and thrusting his right arm onto the roof, punching the building and cracking the surface below his fist. He pants, shaking. 

Shigaraki doesn’t know what to do. Help him, and possibly get killed? Or sit and let him calm down in his own time? He’d rather not be the focus of Izuku’s rage. 

“Wonderful, isn’t it?!” His green eyes blaze. “Pain… So many ways to be felt… So many ways to be inflicted…” He looks at his damaged arm and watches the blood drip from the handprints. He takes his other hand and grips his bleeding arm viciously, making the wound worse. “Emotional, physical, mental… So much variety!!”

**PLEASE, STOP…! PLEASE…**

Shigaraki watches as red tears drip from Izuku’s eyes, yet he looks far from sad. “Midoriya, I am not hiding anything from you, I have just not told you how I believe you could have gone about your interaction with your-... ex-comrades today.”

He whips his head toward Shigaraki, grin nearly splitting his lips as he shakes with the effort of painfully gripping his bleeding arm, as if he enjoys the feeling. 

“Oh? And that would be?”

“Kill them.”

**NO!!**

“Hm…”

_ Yes. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the words of my beta reader... this chapter is alternatively called "Fuck you, and your feels!"


	7. Mistake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oops! Someone says something, and Deku has now lost his friends. No one trusts him, huh?

It hurts everywhere, and nowhere all at once. He is quiet, yet observed with every slow, limping step. The gauze on his nose stands out as much as the mistake that marks his back like a target--a mark of blood and truths and hate to which everyone sees like a laser-pointed dot.

**_Mistake, mistake, mistake… How long can you stay?_ **

_ “Heroes aren’t meant to kill.” _ Deku lifts his head slowly at the sound of a familiar voice. Rough and full of the heat of rage and fire. He stops just before rounding the hallway corner, and listens. 

_ “No hero should EVER kill… If there’s anything closer to a villain, it’s the act of taking a life. We’re supposed to apprehend for justice, not MURDER!”  _ Iida’s voice is cautious, upset… but his words act like a razor to Deku’s heart. He peeks around the corner--eyes wide, and finds Iida; Todoroki, Kirishima, Uraraka, and Bakugou standing near the exit. They must not have known he was leaving early today… But they’re all here, hating him. 

_ I never meant to…  _

**_But you did._ **

_ No…! It was an accident…! _

**_By your hand._ **

_ “Shouldn’t we talk to him…? I’m sure he’s suffering… he got so hurt, and even broke his nose yesterday from a panic attack… Isn’t this wrong…?”  _ The small voice of Uraraka says, just above a whisper. The others look at her, and their faces shift to guilt. They look at the floor while Bakugou stares out to the courtyard--a permanent scowl on his face. 

_ “As far as I’m concerned, he’s not a  _ **_Hero._ ** _ He’s a _ **_mistake._ ** _ ”  _

Deku stands in the hallway, having turned a corner in hopes of catching them before continuing. He drops his bag, unable to breathe or think or feel. He stands weak among who he would have called friends: who he would gladly die for. They turn their gazes, startled, to the numb look in his eyes--to the tears steadily streaming down his cheeks. 

_ “Wait- Deku!!” _ Iida calls as he spins on his heel and heads for the next exit. Forgetting his books and his teachings and notes. 

_ I’m sorry…!! _

**_They’re not._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It can only get better from here, right?
> 
> Right???
> 
> Haha!
> 
> No.


	8. Pause

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey, something soft! ... I think?

~~~ 

Sometimes he gets to breathe. Sometimes he opens his eyes and sees the colors of the world and he almost wants to smile at the bright blue of the sky and the shine of the city and the people. Sometimes he gets to be  _ Him _ . 

And as  _ him _ , he sees the lives, the happiness and the potential. The families with things to live for and people to protect. The quirks in all their shapes and colors and forms… striving to be heroes. 

**_Disgusting._ **

He shakes his head and breathes deep--expanding his lungs and breathing out the crisp morning air like a dragon’s sigh. In his body he feels the pain. The pinch of scars, and the burn of the recent injury. His left arm is wrapped tightly with gauze and tape to keep it secure. It was a shitty job this morning when he came to - blood dripping through the uneven, weak wrapping. 

He was surprised by many things this morning… One- finding himself passed out with his head against the bar counter, and two- finding Kurogiri quietly showing Shigaraki the proper ways to wrap an injury… as the troublesome man was delicately trying to wrap his arm while he was passed out. 

He almost feels bad for snarling at them both and threatening them as he left; his arm still bleeding and angry from the lack of care. He had taken the materials from them, and growled that he would do it himself. He feels as if he was walking through a dream. The memory of just a short while ago like a thick fog making it hard to see: making his senses weak and inaccurate.

He doesn’t remember getting up to this building’s rooftop. He barely remembers the climb up the ladder, the activation of his quirk to jump the distance between the lower balcony and the edge he sits on.. But now, he’s just glad he’s here. 

_ Who am I? _

He looks at his hands, covered in vicious scars criss-crossing his palms and the opposite… 

**_A villain_ ** .

He shifts his gaze to the patches of missing skin and thick, angry scars up his right arm. He still feels the pull of the tight skin and the underlying pain of the memory of their infliction.

_ What am I…? _

Looking at the mask hanging around his neck, it shines silver and black--with a hint of irremovable red from the crimes he’s committed that he knows he will never be rid of. 

**_A mistake._ **

_ But why? _

He looks below him at the city streets spotted with citizens… In his mind, he feels the elation of the thought of their bloody demise. He hates that feeling, but knows he can never stop it. And somehow, he almost likes that thought himself. He can’t care anymore… 

Something catches his eye down below, contrasted by the black and gray of the asphalt and sidewalk. A band of colors that never seem to leave his mind. A head of gold; of red, split white and red, and one of blond. He can never forget them. I can never leave them behind.

He drifted for two years, numb and empty… but the one thing he always remembered… 

Was  _ them. _ Those  _ liars. _

  
  


**_KILL THEM!!_ **

**_~~~_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh believe me, shit is gonna happen. Ya'll are NOT prepared...


	9. Waves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok please be warned, this one gets physically emotional and might hurt a bit. Don't panic?

The sea shines red; alight with the fire from the setting sun and reflecting the color of the sky dyed like blood. He would come here to train, to let his mind wander as he ran along the sand and cleared the beach… To aspire and become like his greatest hero--All Might. But not today.

Standing weak, he stares at the water. His feet being soaked from the passing waves. He had run from his friends after hearing their conversation… They no longer trust him, do they?

He’s done nothing but want to protect them and become a hero to help all--but now even his friends, who he looks up to and loves and would die to protect--believe he is no longer worthy. No longer safe. No longer valid to be a hero… 

He wades further into the water, the waves rushing up to his calves. His uniform soaked and his wrapped arms hanging limp at his sides; He had thrown the arm sling off as he ran, feeling constricted and needing it  _ off _ . 

Watching the water, he feels it push and pull against his legs. It drags at his clothes and beckons him to its depths… And as he listens to the water breathe, he realizes… he  _ can’t _ breathe. His breath catches in his throat as lungs struggle to pull in a breath. His throat seems as if it is suffocating him as his clothes cling to him like cold, angry shackles--a cage of his own making. He hiccups with the effort to pull in a breath, moving his hands to his neck and clawing at his throat as the tears he didn’t know he cried become one with the ocean. 

He tugs at his coat collar, gasping. 

_ Why is this happening?! _

_ What did I do!? _

**_Exist._ **

The thought hurts as much as the sting of the memory of fire and blood… He throws his head back, tugging at his hair as he falls to his knees in the water--he screams. He yells in pain, in rage, in grief… He yells until he truly can’t breathe, and then he shrieks again. Tears like acid drip from his eyes as his head pulses and his arms sting with the threat of reopened wounds. 

_ “Midoriya.” _

He gasps, hunched over clutching his shirt where his chest hurts most while water laps at his waist and arms. 

Pained howls fade to pinched whimpers as the sound of footsteps splashing in the water approach behind him. 

_ “You made a mistake… It’s okay.” _

He turns his watery eyes to his idol--his mentor--fallen from his prime. 

He can make it better… Can’t he? He can help- we can fix this together. He stares at All Might, a pleading look in his eyes. But all he is met with… is pity. The small form of All Might stares back at him. No powerful smile and a stance of false bravado. All Might stares down at him, brows furrowed slightly. 

_ “Young Midoriya-” _

_ “I messed up… I don’t know what to do… I can’t be a hero like this, can I…?”  _ He chokes, holding his breath…

And nothing could kill him more- 

-Than the silence that followed. 

**_No. Not anymore._ **

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry not sorry >:P


	10. Encounter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally!! A face-to-face in present time with our group of lovely betrayals~!

~~~

Though it has been three years-that he barely remembers-since he's personally seen them, Izuku has kept tabs on his ex-comrade's status… All of them have nearly reached pro-hero titles. 

_Disgusting._

Kin to a crow; he watches them silently from his high vantage point… unnoticed. 

_It's always those who wish to be seen, that are never found…_

He can't help the grin that pulls at his lips, the scars on his face taut with the stretch of his smile. People would be scared if they saw him… Eyes wild and a look of bloodthirsty _rage_ , marked with scars cris-crossing his cheek and slashed across his nose and eye. If war had a face, he'd relish the title. 

**_PLEASE…!_ **

_Coward._

The group wanders, possibly on patrol as they follow strategic directions between buildings. They have to stop frequently to talk with citizens who apparently love them. 

_Disgusting…_

And as they turn the corner to a new street, he decides it would be entertaining to _toy with them._ Wouldn't it be beautiful to lead them into a trap? Get them lost? Make them feel as if they've found a ghost? 

_What’s the fun in hiding?_

He grins; the points of his teeth glint like knives waiting for their pray. Standing slowly, he crawls his way to the edge of the building and pulls out a black cloth from his vest pocket. He takes the cloth and pulls at its corners, as if activating it as it begins to change its shape to a very thin black jacket. An interesting device he obtained from another villain in the group that follows him.

He takes off his vest, compacting it the same way the cloth had been, and puts on the jacket--pulling the hood over his head as he pulls a black mask over his face. 

_Now… Shall we have a little fun?_

He chuckles to himself, and drops from the building-dashing across the pathway, too quick for anyone to even register his presence. He passes the citizens as if they were frozen. And as he makes his way ahead of the hero's path, he stops a block in front of where they head. He leans against the building, grinning wide to himself, hidden by a mask and hood--cliche, if you ask him. 

Oh how the thought of their fall makes him _giddy_ … What would their faces look like, splattered in their own blood? Scars mirroring his own carved across their skin? 

**_STOP_ ** **…!**

He hears them. They bicker like birds…

“Ugh, there’s NOTHING happening.. I hate doing patrols…” Blue goggles and a black bolt across his gold hair is easily recognizable as Kaminari Denki, hero name ‘Chargebolt’... His quirk: lightning/electrical discharges that have a limit. If he uses too many volts, he short-circuits and becomes about as smart as a shattered rock.

“Yeah, it’s kind of boring, but it’s our job, Kaminari.” Grumbles Kirishima Eijirou, hero name ‘Red Riot’... The ability to harden or sharpen his body to the point of impenetrability and extreme sturdiness. _He used to be a friend…_

“Our presence puts the people at ease… Nothing boring about that.” The hero of fire and ice: Todoroki Shoto… Well-known pro-hero now. 

“Would you all shut up?!? I can’t fucking focus with your annoying-ass voices in my ears!!” 

_Temper, as always-_

**_KACCHAN-_ **

He clicks his tongue against his teeth, irritated at the sound of how little they’ve changed… But he does not care now--he only waits for their approach. The click of their steps like a ticking clock counting down to the start of a _wonderful game_.

Time seems to slow as they step into view. Bakugou’s shoe comes into view from the building corner he stands near. 

**_thump_ **

Izuku bears his teeth in a smile, turning towards the sidewalk in front of them.

**_thump_ **

They step together, looking at only each other and not what is in front of them… all, except--

**_Kacchan-_ **

He steps out and bumps into Bakugou ‘accidently’. The hero stumbles to the side, but stands up quickly and yells, 

_“Oy!! Watch where you’re going, idiot!”_

Izuku smiles, and looks at Bakugou with gleaming emerald eyes… ringed with red. 

**_“Oh, my apologies…_ **

**_Ka..tsu..ki”_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hm.... I wonder where this will lead...?


	11. Gravity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh! Someone did a f-cky wucky! Now whose trust is broken??

The days blend together. They flow like cascading water--hurling off a cliff into a gap in the ground of which the bottom is unknown. Rushing and crashing against the bed it follows until it plummets down… down… down… into nothing.

_ “Deku, pay attention DAMMIT!!”  _ Bakugou yells as he hurls a piece of debris at one of the teachers posing as a villain for their training exercise. The cityscape they use as their grounds is almost completely destroyed. Both due to the practice of traversing difficult terrain, and the large-scale attacks of class 1-A during the course of training so far. 

Deku strafes to the left, avoiding falling pieces of building from the impact of Bakugou’s throw. He’s terrible at keeping things intact, and is probably causing more damage than should be allowed… but in this simulation, everyone is too distracted to care. President Mic hollers from somewhere nearby, shaking the ground and toppling another building right by Deku. Uraraka floats nearby, touching large debris to float them out of the way and hopefully make a clear path for the Heros to take Mic down. 

“ _ Could you stop spacing out and HELP ME GET RID OF THEM!!”  _ Bakugou snarls, rushing towards him and knocking him against the head. “Get moving!!”

Deku shakes his head, running forward after Bakugou, heading towards Mr. Aizawa who holds Momo and Mina in a mummy-like cocoon from their shoes to their shoulders, hanging from a power-line. Bakugou runs for Aizawa, jumping behind anything to give him cover from his quirk. 

_ How do we stop them…? _

**_Cause a distraction…_ **

_ How..? _

**_Break them._ **

Deku looks in the direction of the nearby building, the one right next to Aizawa and the others. He jumps behind an overturned vehicle, avoiding the teacher’s gaze.

_ How do I distract him.. I don’t want to hurt him…! _

**_Do it.._ **

_ UGH!! _ __

Jumping out from behind the vehicle, launching himself across to a building, he hides from Aizawa’s eyesight as the professor keeps his students wrapped in a cocoon. Bakugou blasts some rubble nearby--launching it at Aizawa who swings like a spider out of the way, sending a counter with the same piece of concrete. It narrowly misses Bakugou’s leg as he dashes behind a car on the other side of the clearing.

_ “DEKU YOU USELESS GARBAGE! FUCKING DO SOMETHING!” _

It rings in his ears. His head starts hurting at the sound. 

_ No not now, migrain.. Not now, not now..! _

_ “DEKU!  _ **_DO SOMETHING, DAMMIT!”_ **

Spark. 

He whips around, lightning marking his skin and wrapping around his arm as he splits the air. His fist collides with the building and it  _ shatters _ . The explosion is violent and sends the building’s pieces scattering like giant confetti that crashes to the ground in quick succession. Aizawa leaps out of the way, unraveling his hold on Momo and Mina who yell as they run to find cover.

Eyes wide, he looks lost in focus. Deku kicks up a piece of rubble, round-housing the brick with violent force--it rockets through the air like a bullet and severs the cloth that holds Aizawa in the air. Bakugou stares.

_ “Deku-!”  _ The sudden yell startles him as he’s lost in this strange hazy feeling. He whips around and kicks what’s left of the building, sending it violently scattering across the road. The professor runs to hide and avoids the attack.. But someone else, didn’t. 

Silence. He hears only a ringing. A static, and the sound of the beat in his chest. It stutters. He breathes in, and blinks. It’s hard to see straight. Like the ground is shifting. The settling dust of the building acts like a cloud. He can’t breathe. What’s happening?

A voice pulls his consciousness back to the present. He hears crackling fire and settling dust. Rubble falls and crumbles. Looking around, he sees what he did. Uraraka stands in the middle of the clearing, arms up to block the attack. Her arm braces are cracked, and blood slowly flows down her temple. She lowers her guard, staring wide-eyed at Deku as the rubble settles around them. There’s a very distinct dent in the shoulder of her suit… 

_ “Ochako..?” _ A steel bar sticks out of her arm, from both the front and back--blood dripping steadily from it. 

Deku’s jaw opens as he lifts his feet to run to the girl. Time moves like molasses as he drags himself, running, to Uraraka. She falls to her knees, leaning forward as gravity takes her down. A falling feather. He gets to her just in time, catching her before she touches the ground.

_ “OCHAKO!!!” _

_ “Deku-... _

**_-Why…?”_ **

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya'll ready for this?


	12. Confront

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is he who he implies he is? Or is he just a mimic of their friend?

Never has the fire of rage died so quickly... Bakugou's skin loses all color: a sickly white shade as he stares with wide, pinprick-red eyes into the void of green. A dangerous forest to get lost in. 

"Bakubro, don't get so mad at this guy, running in-...-to…" __

Kirishima quiets as he looks at Deku, a note of familiarity taking over his expression. As Izuku pulls odd hia hood. Shock and guilt leaking into the redhead's eyes. 

**_Oh this is delicious…!_ **

_ "No.. There's no-... No way…!"  _ Bakugou growls with his teeth clenched, breathing hitched and quick as sweat forms on his brow. It's quite entertaining to see him struggle like this: guilt, fear, anger…Worry…? 

_ "Oh? What's this…?"  _ Izuku takes a step forward, leaning close to Bakugou. His breath rustles the hair over his eyes--A grin lighting up his face as he takes in the sight of this angry hero, trembling in front of him. 

Todoroki Shoto, the elemental split--peeks over Bakugou's shoulder to see what's happening, and stops dead, pulling away with a gasp as he stumbles into Denki behind him. He whispers the word… 

_ "No..!"  _

" _ Oh my, you look as if you've seen a ghost! How terrible! Tell me… What could be the problem, dear Heros?" _

He can't help the giddy pitch that laces his voice as he beams at the group. His hands itch to tear them apart, their eyes wide as he splatters their blood on the concrete… 

_ All in due time… Patience yields the best results~ _

**_STOP!!! DON'T HURT THEM!!!_ **

_ Coward.  _

_ "No, this is some fucking trick, isn't it?!? Don't fucking play games with me!"  _ Bakugou lurches forward into Izuku's face.  _ "WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?! WHY DO YOU HAVE  _ **_HIS_ ** _ FACE!"  _

_ "So distraught! What's the matter, Ground Zero? Or do you prefer..  _

**_Kacchan?_ ** _ "  _

Bakugou reels back, horrified.  _ "No… He's dead..! There's no fucking way--DONT TOY WITH ME!"  _

_ "Oh but it's so  _ **_FUN_ ** _ to! And doesn't it just bring back so many  _ **_memories??"_ ** Izuku folds his hands behind his back and leans into Bakugou's space with a terrifying smile on his lips, he is THRILLED with this reaction. 

_ "HE'S DEAD! WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU!?"  _ Sparks ignite from Bakugou's hands, his fists tight in his gloves--you can hear the creaking of the leather. 

Kirishima grabs his shoulders and holds him back, 

"Bakugou calm down…! We'll figure this out, just let us talk!" he looks at Izuku; confusion and pain in his eyes. "Who are you, really? Are you Midoriya? A copy-quirk villain?" 

_ "Oh--Red Riot--dear Kirishima.. How I wish I was… I suppose I look quite different, hm?"  _

Todoroki steps forward. Brows furrowed and a frown marking his contrasting face: angry as the scar over his eye. He steps solid, head lowered… He looks ready to fight. 

"Midoriya… Is it you…?" 

_ "Well… It's your power, isn't it? It has been a long.. Long time." _

His face goes pale at Izuku's words. Teeth grinding against each other as he shakes. Breath quickening. He whispers as he looks at Izuku, unsure what to truly believe or think. 

_ Isn't his pain wonderful?? _

Bakugou snarls as he leaps forward and grips Izuku by the throat, slamming him into the wall after pivoting to be beside the building. 

Sparks fly in Izuku's vision as his head is whipped against the brick wall. Bakugou holds his neck in a vice grip that heats his skin while his explosive quirk is held back. Small sparks tingling with his touch. 

_ "Temper, temper! Katsuki.. Are you that excited to see me?"  _ He chuckles at the taunt, feeling the grip on his neck tighten and the heat that nearly burns his skin rising in temp. It definitely hurts, but that's what makes it wonderful. The anger is  _ delicious!  _ And he can't help but want to see him in pain. 

**_STOP IT…! JUST TALK TO HIM!!_ **

_ Coward. See him in pain.  _

" _ SHUT UP! YOU'RE A VILLAIN, MOCKING US. WHO ARE YOU!? I'LL KILL YOU!"  _ He holds his other hand to the side, small, but violent explosions crackle in his hand as a threat. 

" _ Oh, Kacchan… You've already done that, now haven't you?"  _ Swiftly, he grabs Bakugou's hand with both arms and thrusts downward, breaking his hold. He lurches forward, gripping his shoulders as he throws his knee into Bakugou's stomach. The startled and pained wheeze that follows sparking excitement. Izuku grins wider as he drills his elbow into the mop of blond hair, forcing Bakugou onto his knees. 

He pants, humming at the pain in Bakugou's breath. He steps back to take in the broken look of the hero… 

" _ How wonderful it is to see you like this… Get up." _ he reaches down to grab Bakugou's hair, but is interrupted by an icicle that just barely misses his hand. Slicing his fingertip as it passes. He jumps back several feet and bears a grin of psychotic malice: looking at the other Heros who rush in on him. 

"Cease your advance, Villain!" Todoroki yells as snowflakes float from his icy hand. Kirishima rushes forward next to Bakugou to help him stand. 

_ "There's no way you're Midoriya…" _ Bakugou growls, standing up. He crouches low to the ground, sparks and steam coming from his hands. 

_ "You're a villain, and I'm going to kill you for this..!"  _

Izuku lifts his bloody-fingered hand to his face and laughs. Void of timidness and restraint. It's a tight, yet free sound: the cackle raising the hairs on the heros' neck. What happened to him? 

_ "You'll have to catch me first, you wonderfully heroic idiots!"  _ In a split second, Izuku is at the end of the alleyway--whipping around the corner in a blink of an eye. The startled yell of the old friends following suit echoes through the emptying street…

_ "Deku-- _

**_\--DEKU COME BACK!!_ ** "

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll admit, I enjoyed writing Bakugou getting elbowed in the back of the head... Also SORRY for the wait...!


	13. Deserving

He doesn't remember when it started becoming difficult to stay awake… Weeks--months maybe, since he'd start having blackouts. It began after his fall in the classroom, the cut across his nose a constant pain he feels as vividly as fire. 

The worst of his recent spells happened just after training a few days ago… He had caught Uraraka after hurting her with his attack during training. After rushing her to Recovery Girl, his legs gave out and he passed out… For five days. 

The blackout spells have been getting shorter, but more frequent. He missed three hours worth of classes because he kept fainting for several minutes at a time. 

_What's wrong with me?_

The white bed sheets hug his legs as he sits in the infirmary with Recovery Girl and All Might. Both heros staring at data sheets and charts, mumbling to each other. He’s gone through dozens of blood tests, x-rays, CAT scans and evaluations to try and figure out what’s wrong. 

_“There’s no trace of damage to his brain that could possibly lead to concussion blackouts, or a lack of vitamins in his system for his fainting spells… It is not good, Toshinori.”_ Recovery girl stares at the lists of tests. _“I’ve healed him too many times to count, so the problem is nothing physical.”_

_“That doesn’t give us answers! He must be hurt, what else could it be?”_ The #1 hero pleads, distraught that his pupil is suffering and he doesn’t know why or how.

_“Toshinori, you know there are more ways to feel pain than just in the body.”_ She turns her squinted gaze to Deku who sits blank-faced and quiet on the gerney--numb to the world. _“His mind is in pain, and it’s dragging his body down along with it. He is tearing himself apart from the inside._ " 

“ _What_ __do I do? He_ just freezes with his eyes closed for minutes at a time--hours even! The poor boy is hardly awake most of the day… How do I help?” _All Might steps away from Recovery Girl, inching closer to Deku, an awful feeling in his stomach as he approaches. 

The boy’s eyes are empty of light, breath so slow and shallow that he worries he may not even be breathing. He waves a hand in front of Deku, calling his name quietly, and does not get a reply. He’s not consciously present; sitting in a dissociative state of some sort. 

_“Midoriya!”_ The hero pleads, shaking the boy slightly but receiving no answer. It scares him to see his bright, energetic, excited student become nothing but a shell: an empty doll with no life in his eyes. It’s painful… The hero feels as if he's almost lost a piece of himself. Where did his boy go? 

\- - - 

A few hours pass and Deku finally blinks with purpose. All Might had left a while prior, but someone else took his place… 

Messy black hair and stubble on his face--Aizawa Sensei rests his head on his arms with his eyes comfortably shut, leaning over the gerney Deku sits in. He breathes deeply, probably taking a nap while he waits. 

_I've been here a while… The sun is gone…_

Deku takes a deep, stuttering breath, feeling light-headed from his shallow breathing over the past few hours. The sound however, catches Aizawa's attention. The man opens his eyes and sits up, sighing as he blinks at the young boy who is finally present. 

Deku looks into his eyes, but can't help looking away with a pain in his chest. 

" _How are you feeling, Midoriya?"_ The hero says with a raspy voice, his expression soft and passively concerned. 

Deku opens his mouth to speak, but finds himself wheezing his answer through a tightening throat. 

" _I don't… know what I'm doing here anymore… I don't want to be here…"_

He lifts his wrapped hands to his face, unable to ignore the faint splatter of red he invisions on his fists. 

" _You're not the only one who doesn't want to have you in the infirmary so often, Midoriya."_

_"That's not what I mean, Sensei… I don't want to be_ **_here_ ** _anymore. I don't belong here. No one wants me here… I don't deserve this lie."_

_"Midoriya, you are one of the students I know belongs here more than anyone… Don't lose faith in yourself so quickly."_

Deku looks at his teacher: tired eyes that are warm and comforting… But how do you believe someone who wouldn't help you before? 

He feels sickened.

" _I don't need your pity, Sensei. I see it… I see the way you watch me pass in the halls--the same way everyone else does!_

 _Like I'm a_ **_monster_ ** _!"_

The words ring in the quiet room. The beeping of his heart monitor loud and persistent as the pounding in his head. 

" _Midoriya, you are allowed to be upset about this, I know it's hard… But, everyone makes mistakes--"_

**_You're a mistake-_ **

_-QUIET!_

_"I KILLED THEM! THE ONLY MISTAKE HERE_

**_IS ME!!"_ **

He breathes heavily, shaking with the force of his clenched hands, opening wounds beneath the wrappings further than before. Yet, he can't feel it. 

"... _Midoriya-"_

**_"If I deserved anything,_ **

**_I would deserve the same fate-_ **

**_As Exploit."_**

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Self-hatred is quite a motivator, don't you think?
> 
> Also I'm so sorry this took so long... I've been really struggling with creativity lately and it really sucks... Thank you all for your support though, it genuinely is one of the only reasons I'm still writing this ❤️


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